Emails to my mother
Fri, Mar 14, 12:23 PM
Hi mum,
I love you because you are me. But you are living in a perpetual state of fear. You are afraid to experience life because you’ve been hurt before and I’m sorry you had to experience so much fear and pain. But life is beautiful. Why have you shut the world out and pushed people away. You’re so scared of being misunderstood
There is so much to experience. There is so much love and wonder and healing in the world. Because we are the world. We are god. We have created the world to be fearful.
You’ve spent your entire life resenting and hating me for being myself but I am only a reflection of you. All I’m trying to do is be myself. In essence you fear yourself because you’ve are so vast and infinite. You are pure love .
I’m crazy, you’re crazy. You are God. At your core you are pure love, but you have caused me so much pain and fear. I have suffered so much from you. You are also evil. And so am I. And that’s okay because you are god and I know that I’m safe. We are just playing a game of life. Accepting that you’re bad frees you from the fear of hell. Accept your pain and how you’ve caused fear and pain on others and move with love and kindness. I forgive you. I see you. I understand and accept you. Wholly as you are. And I love you despite and because of everything. You are amazing.
you are afraid of feeling misunderstood and in response misunderstand yourself and push yourself away - from me - from every single person - every possible teacher in your life - you are scared to face yourself and your evil and good. God. Because it’s so vast and infinite. You are scared of yourself. To believe you are so special but also so destructive.
There is no such thing as good and bad. There is no heaven or hell. Those places exist right here right now. There is only fear or love. Why are you so afraid of death? Why are you so afraid of abandonment - you’ve done it to yourself? Why are you so afraid of the unknown? Healing come from it. To surrender is of god. The unknown is of god. Creation and life is god. The flow between love and fear. Find balance again. Find love again. There is nothing to fear.
I love you so much you have no idea. You taught and reminded me how to love. I’m sorry it took me so long to remember
Your daughter. I am you and I am healing.
Thank you, you are my ultimate teacher.
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Mar 31, 2025, 11:31 PM
Why do you treat me this way but not Adam.
You are a hypocrite. You hate the idea of a free, intelligent and powerful woman, because you were never allowed to be.
We have all been taught to hate Eve because she desired to know more.
What is so wrong with the desire for more?
If God never desired more then the universe wouldn't exist
You push everyone away because you refuse to face the darkness that resides in your heart.
You gave up when it got too hard, but if only you had pushed through the pain instead of pretending it didn't exist you would have found true god.
The difference is I'm facing it head on. I'm not scared to face the devil. That's why I worked at the strip club.
Your fear of the devil keeps you trapped. You are not alive and yes I reject that kind of living.
Life is so beautiful despite its pain and suffering.
You always believed I was naive. you wanted me to stay innocent. But that only caused me more pain.
The journey to wisdom involves integration and I understand you wanted to shelter me from all that you had endured.
I am thankful for the values you taught me. You'd be surprised by how much I stay true to myself and what feels right.
But to control is not of god.
You must surrender to the unknown.
You hate your own daughter because of her desire to experience the world and follow her curiosity, who is a reflection of you
You hate and fear me because I embody everything that you were shamed for your entire life,
Your intensity, Your emotion, Your lust for understanding, your willingness to challenge the status quo, You craziness, your witchness, your potions and premonitions and belief in the unseen.
You taught me all of these things, but now instead of being brainwashed and told to not think
I rather listen to my heart and intuition and follow what that uncovers. Something you stopped listening to a long time ago.
You were told you were too much, not good enough and you taught me to believe that too
You were told that you were ugly and undeserving of love unless it was through abandonment and being used. You taught me that too
You taught me that everyone will leave me and men will use me unless I'm obedient.
I had to break those patterns of doubt and shame. You controlled me for so long. I hated myself so much living the life you designed for me.
I would have killed myself if you hadn't taught me to fear suicide too.
The difference now is I'm free from the chains.
Jesus existed not to bring morality but to remind us of our divinity that has always existed.
I talk to God regularly.
God told me Eden is right here, we have just forgotten
Sex is creation of life itself
nakedness was our true form, we just began to feel ashamed for it in the fear of not being good enough
In the fear of judgment
God is love not fear.
You have been lied to by the fall of Man's fear of the divine woman.
Religion is structures built by man
I have seen the light, I have felt true love and it exists in the absence of fear.
in the acceptance of my true and full self outside of shame
It exists in forgiveness and understanding
I am freedom without fear.
I am intuition
I am love
I feel no confusion.
My dear mother, you are the one that's confused.
I wish you so much love whilst you continue to spew so much hatred at me in a last ditch attempt to control me.
I surrender to the unknown
You taught me that
Do me a favour and research what the root of all Evil and sin is.
You will find that it is fear.
Fear is of the devil
You have nothing to fear. Now release yourself from hell and the belief that the world is ending.
Fear keeps us in hell and suffering
because when you do you will realise you are already in heaven.
But if I'm going to hell, so be it. Remember that I am your creation.
