We are god wanting to understand itself

Everyone wants to be understood

Everyone is god

But can god ever understand itself?

So I ask,

Why is there the good and bad? 

Is its gods way of giving to itself something to do? 

The pendulum constantly swings

Is there a chance Hell exists

Maybe

Depends on how gods feeling

I just want to talk to the devil and try and understand

But god made the devil so surely this is planned

To suffer

And to experience moments of peace.

Maybe death is a void?

Maybe it’s heaven?

Maybe its separation for our deceased

I imagine sleeping is a practice for death

And sleep is a peace from this world, for a moment

But it’s also the absence of beauty

So why would I introduce suffering if I am god?

Maybe it’s make the good feel amazing? or maybe i’m both a masochist and sadist?

Because how can you know true pleasure, unless you’re seen the other side

The way I have this chaotic urge to delve deeper and deeper into my shadow cannot be denied

But either way all I can do is accept the unknown and exist solely in the present

God must be an artist. But I wonder what kind?

The ones that paint pictures, Or the ones that makes rhymes

Understanding and listening to others opens up the doorway to the divine

To a life you may eventually live, or one thats aleady passed by

Maybe thats why I feel so connected to you. Like they say, The soul recognises its kind

To know another intimately is to live an alternate reality. With different characters and storylines and so much drama and mystery

You get to experience snippets of life from the eyes of another. To touch it and envy it or relish in it, whilst still clinging to the chimes of your own

Things aren’t always as they seem on the surface.

Another illusion, No projection will save me.

Ultimately its about accepting this existence.

My good and bad

My pain

In some kind of sick knowing, that I chose to pick this life to learn something that seems so foreign

To have god understand itself more and more

but I’m so young

the pain so raw

I wonder how old god is?

How long since the beginning of time?

Maybe we’re god, whose come here to master life?

There is so much more to know about myself before I die

and do it all again in a different way i desire

There is something I know for sure.

I want a back tattoo

I want to feel love from myself in different forms.

In people

In my purpose

In the habitats around me

In ideas that heal.

I want to feel love through my family.

Through my lovers.

Through my friends.

I wish those people took the time to understand me

Instead of leaving me broken, judged and misunderstood again and again

I want to be loved the way this form wants to be loved.

Truthfully, supported, kind, present and free

For now I live without it.

And it’s something I have to accept.

I will find love again I know. Or maybe I wont

Maybe I continue on this journey alone because my ache for freedom takes me farther from home

This life is a sweet sick paradox where everything conflicts

GOD WANTS ME TO UNDERSTAND? THEN WHY HAVE IT THIS WAY?

Maybe i’ll never truly know the answer, but I guess that’s the chance one takes

To play the game of life. 

What life does this Soul want? 

To be famous? To concur this world?

Does my ego believing i’m deserving, that I need not work harder to earn love

That love is only afforded to those that make millions and are worshipped from above

To have wealth so i never so fear the sting of vulnerability in this cruel world

To let no one see my vulnerability, incase they use it against my back.

Or do I crave understanding and acceptance.

Exploration.

Connection.

To master life’s task.

I have this desire to be selfish.

To have power. To hoard. To judge.

Most of all to control. That which I try to reject. The unknown and what lies above

Because I feel misunderstood

I feel so alone and vulnerable

No one knows my pain

Deep down I want to To build.

To influence.

To heal.

To love and be loved.

But devil whispers whats the gain?

The world which is god which is me is slowly tearing itself apart

The world is not in a good place right now. I know. Theres so much corruption all on my part.

It hasn’t been for a long long time.

Because of fears illusion of seduction.

What happens if the humanity of good and love depart?

Does creation die? Lifeless bodies moving by

Or will we be wiped out from the sky?

Maybe then suffering will end

And its time for our eternal slumber

Or does some magic, some miracle start again?

I guess it’s up to what god decides

Maybe this time we wont fumble

What would push me to the point of no return?

What would cause me to cause suffering to the point i crave to see them burn?

Will I face the shadow in me when it comes?

Or dig my head deeper in the sand

I just have to accept that I embody the capacity for good and evil

And enjoy the beauty in the moment whilst its had

I chose this. To experience life. To understand myself more? 

But god claims to love you despite all. God is me. If its true do I really love myself?

What does it truly mean to love when its something you’ve never felt before?

I guess I’ll be patient then

My good will come and so will my bad

And that’s life

But until then

I have this voice that tells me i’m on the right path

It whispers you will find beauty, ease and deep wisdom

Who knows maybe thats god, or the devil. Or maybe my own delusions?

In this life I’m searching to have my self understood, instead of abandoned

And maybe thats my curse and the path I’ve chosen to examine

Or maybe I’ll find a deep deep love

From myself, or a person or a community

My wish, my world, every thought manifests this conclusion

to experience love in all forms

And I’ll accept it as it comes

Then I lose it all

Then I’ll die

And I’ll start again

Or I won’t

For a while… If that’s what desire

Just to experience falling in loving myself over and over until I get tired

Until then it eases the suffering to have compassion for everyone,

especially myself whose a reflection of my broken loved ones

I need to remember for a moment, I’m human. Imperfect and prone to doubt

I don’t believe people -god- myself- really wants to be bad

But myself- god- humanity has the capacity for that

Maybe its our greed, and pride that keeps us this way

Scared of being hurt further so we shame all who stand in our way

God is Satan. I am god and I’m the devil

What happened to god to make it this way?

Who made god suffer so badly?

That I’ll need god to tell me and hope that I understand

People do what they do because they feel they are suffocating

The fear

The pain

I am God and I feel the suffering, due to my own creation

God just wants our love, but god is causing us suffering

But we chose suffering

But god gave us the option to suffer

We are god trying to understand ourself

God craves suffering when it made reality

God wanted more

God believed it was in lack

But I’m sure the love that god receives from humanity would heal it right back.

And possibly worth it all 

It’s crazy this is the only life I know truthfully

Or maybe there was only one life all along 

So I ask myself

What do I want In this life?

To create and share from gods core?

I believe art is our communion with god

Thats why when we practice it feels like home

The biggest lie ever told was that only few are gifted with the creativity of inner knowing

Because if you are god the only thing stopping you is your belief in yourself

We are crippled with the fear of death

Everyone’s trying not to die

We are so scared of aging

But maybe age is where the wisdom and secrets of life reside

Why do we stick it out?

What if this life is really so bad it’s not worth living

Is that true?

Surely there’s something that plans this rhythm

but on days like this I beg to reconsider.

God why?

Why are we so lost, confused, misunderstood?

how did it get so bad? 

All I can do in this life is try to be good.

Whatever I believe good is meant to mean.

I can love and share that love

Maybe people will suffer less and do the work they know they should

Maybe they won’t

Maybe they’ll hate me for bringing light to the unseen

But that’s all I can do

Our attempt to control the unknown was the reason we fell so far from all we knew

For now I’ll practice and build this skill of trusting the unseen

I’ll make mistakes but as long as I stay truthful

It will make an impact

I’m here to heal and be healed

I think I’ve had enough today

It’s time for me to rest

So much to consider

Yet so much left unsaid

For now I use this moment to remember to be un-reactive, grateful and present

Focus on this life and on what you have

Everything else outside of that is an illusion in your head

You should only inspire not fix

People will trigger you because of their own complex’s

It is inevitable

Allow it, challenge it with love and move on

Move with kindness

Relinquish judgement

We are all fucked up. Just in different ways.

We are each other. We just want to be understood. We are god. God trying to understand itself. 

Love has always been the answer in this life.

Love is understanding 

Love is acceptance 

Love is compassion 

Love is surrender to the unknown

Love is the absence of fear.

Sincerely,

god?