What is love?

Love. The illusive yet undeniable feeling that exists underlying the landscape of being human.

But what is love? This is a question I have long grappled with. We live in a world that seems so void of this feeling but craves to know it. Stories echo in our bones. Sensations, glances, music, media reminds us of a world where it exists.

I consider myself someone who loves easily. Loves deeply. Sees myself in everyone I encounter. I try to approach life with an openness that many times can end in heartbreak. I see people in their fullness yet also in their own limitations. I want to love them regardless. Sometimes people hate me for it. Sometimes they need distance from what I uncover in them. Sometimes their reactions trigger my own fears of love. Many times it leads to abandonment. And unspoken words. Ultimately I accept whatever it brings. You cannot force love. Neither can you rush it.

I am not immune. I am imperfect. But I endeavour to move in love regardless. I am trying my best. And sometimes my best isn’t good enough. I am only as good as the tools that have been passed onto me and the idols that have stood before me.

Where does love hide amidst fear? How do I love those whose fear transforms to hatred. Whose fear of love aims to harm. Those that rather control than surrender. How do I love the fear and pain that is a reflection of myself?

Maybe I love love because of its activation. The mirror it becomes. I love to see my own love reflected back to me. But maybe I also fear its illusion of safety. Or simultaneously entrapment. Love requires trust. Dedication. Patience. The moment it becomes stale, unmoving, stubborn or controlling. I want out. Why is it that sometimes I feel that love is akin to death? We fear in love that we will lose ourselves - we wont know who we are or who we will become. That we may lose love itself. Which becomes a gaping whole of its former companion.

Or worse. You will be seen in your fullness. Your truthfulness. Abandoned, shamed or neglected as a result. Love requires you to remove the mask. Power dissolves in the presence of love. But not before it attempts its final takedown.

Love doesn’t need to be earned or proven. Love exists in wholeness. Our illusions and fears of what we believe we deserve keep us isolated from love. Keeping us isolated from ourselves.

For so long I believed I was incapable of being loved. That love would always abandon me. That I wasn’t good enough to receive love, care or safety. I searched for love in others. I craved it so deeply because I grew up in a world that love was withheld, used to manipulate or control me. But that wasn’t love. Because there is no illusion in love.

To me love is acceptance. Full, Unmoving, Present. Loving its embodiment in all its iterations. Without condition.

We are the result of so many lineages of pain and trauma. The pursuit of survival separates us and continues to if we let fear rule.

I believe in the power of transmutation. That pain and fear when held and seen can heal. But that requires commitment to the process and presence in the unfolding of the self. Planting the seed that may not initially take root but eventually will with faith, to flourish and move you. That may seem unrealistic in the world that we live in - but i’ve always been delusional.

I refuse to have this world harden me. I will be the change I want to see in the world.

I fell in love this week. Within the week. I think thats a new record. You never know when love is waiting at the door.

It’s interesting how fast you can fall when you let down all your walls. When your mirror reciprocates. When you allow yourself to flow in the unknown. To uncover this version of yourself. This version of god in your reflection. No games. Only presence and openess.

Love will teach you - or better yet help you remember what you are destined for. What you’ve always deserved.

So what is love? It is so many things. Silence? The moments of thoughtfulness and care between moments. Subtle mind reading. Grounded and patient - kissing your tears. Caressing your anxieties. Accepting that love may not be ready to receive itself. Loving Love regardless of the outcome. Accepting that love wants to transform, explore and move. Which ultimately means love will leave one day. Maybe love is accepting the fleeting nature of it. That the moment you think you’ve found it - it returns back to its source. Its ungraspable nature is like an eternal game of cat and mouse. Love needs the space and freedom to flourish in order for it to choose rest. So maybe the question is where does love reside? If love is everywhere, where is it hiding right now?

What does it truly mean to love another? Does anyone really know what it means to love and be loved? Maybe its the same reason why we find it so difficult to love ourselves? Love exists beyond our limitations and separations. It is the source of life itself. Recognising the duality of someones humanity and divinity.

Because you only attract more of what you are.

So the first step could be seeing love in everything, everyone and recognising the source of love is ultimately yourself.